20 Things We Need To Stop Saying To Parents Of ADHD Children
This is not just about ADHD. It’s not just about children who don’t fit into some predetermined mold. It’s about us, as mothers, supporting one another as mothers.
It’s about having each other’s back and realizing that each child was given a unique mother for a very good reason. None of us received the children we did from God by accident. We have exactly the right children. Maybe we need to learn from them, or maybe they need to learn from us, or more likely we are learning from each other.
We need to stop judging each other and start walking a mile in each other’s shoes and realize that one mother who feels like a failure equals one child who feels like a failure! And no child is ever a failure unless we, as a society, have failed them!
ADD and/or ADHD comes in all sizes, and packages. Maybe the child in front of you at the grocery store who is driving you crazy has ADHD and this is how his brain needs to process this trip to the store. With questions. Or with touching everything he sees. Or maybe the store is too overwhelming for him right now and what you’re seeing is a meltdown as he tries his best to cope with the lights, the sounds, the people, and the general sensory overload. Maybe mom had to make him quit a task, a game, a conversation, an experience, unexpectedly and his mind doesn’t switch gears that quickly. I’m not a doctor, or a nurse, or any other medical professional. I can’t tell you why they act they way they do, but I know that as a human being, and as a mother I can be a kind enough person to empathize with them and with their mothers.
This post is a PSA for all of you out there who have a friend or a family member whose child has been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD. It will save you and your friend a lot of tension between you and your mom friend and, frankly, it will keep you from looking like a jackass when you say one of these stupid things aloud! For what it’s worth, every single item on this list was submitted by a friend or family member and comes from their own personal experiences, or my own personal experiences. These are real things that have been said to real mothers who love their children.
- I guess it’s easier to just medicate than to parent!
- Why don’t you just/I would totally just beat his/her a$$
- Wow, I’ve never had those issues with my child
- Yeah, my kid used to do that but then I just eliminated sugar/dairy/carbs/snacks/ from their diet and they returned to being a perfect little angel!
- Wow, I’m so glad my child knows better than to act that way
- I don’t know how you do it…
- Wow, he’s quite a handful isn’t he?
- You just need to be more consistent/provide structure/get on the ball.
- Just give me a week with him/her, I’ll straighten him up.
- I would never have gotten away with that when I was a kid!
- Are you sure he isn’t just faking it?
- Have you considered alternatives to medicating?
- Have you tried medicating him?
- When he stayed at our house for the weekend we didn’t bother with his meds, and he did great without them!
- You do know your child has ADHD, right?
- ADHD is nothing but an excuse for bad parenting…
- I am glad he’s not my child.
- You would never know he wasn’t normal at first…
- Since he does well in school there’s no reason to treat his ADHD
- Hang in there, it gets easier!
- And one bonus just for the fun of it…my all time favorite, “They didn’t have things like ADHD when I was a kid…”. Guess what? They actually did, they just hadn’t named it, or figured out how to help kids who suffered from it then!
If you have a child in your life who has ADD or ADHD, or any other learning disability, take a moment to walk in their shoes. Think about how you feel when you are overwhelmed or overstimulated. Say for instance coffee and learning disabilities. Have you ever had just one (or two) too many cups of coffee in the morning and find that you just cannot focus well enough to complete a task? Have you ever skipped lunch and then around mid-afternoon your blood sugar drops and you can’t remember what you were doing? Have you ever been in the most boring meeting or lecture you’ve ever experienced and you cannot force your mind to focus on what the lecturer is saying? I don’t know for sure that these things are what my ADD child feels like, but I know that I’ve had all of those things happen to me and they aren’t pleasant, so if it’s even 1/10th what he feels like then I can empathize with him. Why can’t we all do that with everyone we meet?
Usually, when you get past someone’s issue, their thing that makes them special, or challenging, or maybe even a little hard to love sometimes that’s when you find the most loveable person you’ll ever want to find. Once you earn their trust, and show them respect you’ll have a lovable, and loyal person by your side for life.